Hiiii guys! 👋🏾
It has been a crazy month, but I am back!
I had a therapy session last week where my therapist told me that it was time to lock in.
My shoulders slumped, and I let out the biggest sigh.
Because, ma’am… I already feel like I have locked in in so many areas of my life. So hearing that I needed to do even more on top of everything I was already doing felt like a LOT in that moment. But as we talked, I realized that this version of “locking in” looks very different from the versions I’ve done before.
There was a time when I had a really hard time pouring into myself. I was hesitant to make appointments, get my eyebrows done, take time for myself, or do anything that felt remotely indulgent. It took me about three years to finally get to the point where I said, “You know what? No matter what, I’m going to make sure I have a hair appointment every two weeks because that’s something that makes me feel good.”
And honestly? I’ve locked in pretty well in that area so that’s no longer something I need to work on.
But this season has brought a whole different set of things that require me to be intentional about taking care of myself.
In August, I had to start taking blood pressure medication, and I found out that my cholesterol was high. So here I was, having to really lock in because high blood pressure is nothing to play with. At the same time, I found myself working overtime at an already stressful job because I needed to prepare for taking time off for my younger sister’s wedding. My body was definitely on autopilot. I was literally just doing what I needed to do to make it through each day. My overtime consisted of working my regular 8:30–5 shift and then coming back and working from 7–10 PM just to get through my caseload.
And you don’t have to say it. I already know.
It was insane.
Now, it wasn’t every day, but two to three days a week, that was my reality. And did I mention that I had also just started working with a personal trainer? So, in between working overtime, I was trying to find the time and energy to work out. Then there was preparing for my sister’s wedding, getting the kids ready to go back to school, being a wife, being a mom, being a student, and trying to maintain some semblance of a social life.
I was exhausted.
But I figured I was doing what I needed to do, and I just needed to push through. That’s where my therapist reminded me that now more than ever is the time to lock in. Not by doing more, but by making sure I am actually taking care of myself.
Yes, work is stressful. And stress can take a toll on your body.
Working out and strength training are great for me, but that is also a form of stress on the body. So now I’m trying to find time to work on mindfulness, slow down, breathe, and just… be. And apparently, my body had enough of me ignoring that part.I was sick for the majority of last week, so I didn’t work out. I spent almost every moment I wasn’t at my desk sleeping.
And honestly? I truly believe my body was like: “Sis, since you don’t want to take a break, I’m going to make you take one.”
I needed that sleep so badly.
And the only reason I was able to bounce back as quickly as I did is because I actually allowed myself to rest.
That has been one of the biggest lessons for me lately: rest is not the opposite of productivity. Sometimes rest is what allows you to keep going. So yes, I’m annoyed that I still have to “lock in” during this new season of my life. Because getting my hair done, getting my brows waxed, and having my little self-care days just isn’t going to be enough anymore.
I need to be intentional with my time. And that part is annoying because sometimes it feels like it is never enough. Working full-time. Being a full-time student. Working out. Being a mom. Being a wife. Being a friend. Taking care of my mental health. Trying to have a social life. Trying to take care of my home. Trying to remember that I am an actual person underneath all of these responsibilities.
It is a lot.
And sometimes I wonder, when do we get to the part where we finally have it all figured out and it feels like enough? I don’t know. I genuinely don’t have that answer because clearly, I’m not there yet.
Maybe “locking in” doesn’t mean becoming more disciplined, doing more, accomplishing more, or squeezing one more thing into an already packed schedule. Maybe this time, locking in means paying attention. Paying attention to what my body is telling me. Paying attention to when I’m overwhelmed. Paying attention to when I need to rest. Paying attention to the difference between being productive and simply running myself into the ground.
And as someone who is a certified medical-anxiety girly, I can tell you that my mind is not going to let me ignore this for too long. I don’t even want to tell y’all how high my blood pressure was when the doctor sent me home and told me I needed to monitor it at home.
It’s not funny…but it is a little funny because everyone kept asking, “Why is your blood pressure so high?!”
And I’m like, “Guys. I have anxiety. I’m nervous as hell!”
LOL.
But seriously, this has been a wake-up call for me. So I guess this is my new version of locking in. Learning how to take care of Alexis in a way that goes beyond the hair appointments and the cute little self-care days. And maybe, possibly, learning that I don’t have to earn rest by completely exhausting myself first.
Anyway…that’s my life update.
I’m still figuring it out. I’m still trying to balance all the different versions of myself that need my attention.
xoxo,
Alexis
Side note… I promised the bride a blog cameo. Isn’t Mrs. Williams, lovely!?
If this post resonated with you, you’re always welcome to subscribe. I write honestly about anxiety, growth, motherhood, and the in-between moments.
Motherhood + Who Alex Is 
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